Published in Woonsocket Call on December 18, 2016
Some people will tell you that nothing is for certain in life but death and taxes. But, Author Nora Hall adds another truism for us to think about. That is, retirement guarantees that couples are going to face new issues in their relationship. No ifs, ands or buts.
Hall, a 72-year North Kingston resident, recalls, “We were surprised that retirement was a bigger adjustment than we thought it would be.”
The freelance writer began researching the joys and frustrations of retirement when her husband Art, a former president of a manufacturing company, retired and they saw the need for major adjustments in their relationship.
Sharing Retirement Woes
As a new retiree, Hall admitted she was unsure of how to deal with these life stage changes and immediately began to seek out information on adjusting to a retirement marriage. Since she found no book or articles on the topic, Hall began to interview other retirees. As she learned from their personal experiences, she realized that there was a need for a book.
“I never thought that I would ever write this book,” says Hall. But she ultimately penned the 113-page paperback book, entitled, Survive Your Husband’s Retirement, published by Narragansett-based EBook Bakery.
“This book was just the natural extension of my freelance writing,” she notes, adding that it took over three years to write and publish the first edition of her book. The second edition only took one year to produce because she had already accumulated a lot of the research.
However, Hall admitted, “I was a lot fussier about the look and feel of this book.”
Hall notes that her skills in interviewing others and writing about their messages and concerns came from jobs throughout her professional career where she wrote copy for appeal letters sent to potential donors to the New England Colleges Fund and then the VNA in Massachusetts. She began her career as an elementary school teacher before moving to arts administration where she coordinated the Artist in Residence and the Boston Globe Scholastic Art Award Programs in Massachusetts.
In the process of talking with hundreds of retired woman, sometimes even their husbands, Hall gleaned from these interviews five areas (a husband’s tendency to be bossy, always there, dependent, angry or to never listen) that caused conflict in the retirement relationship along with solutions that these couples discovered that ultimately would maintain harmony in their marriage. She decided that she would share this information with other retired couples by writing a book.
Tips to Fix Your Relation
Hall’s first edition released in 2013 (along with a second edition, published last month, which provides more stories and couple coping tips) goes far beyond simple identification of issues. In addition, she provides reasons behind the common feelings many men experience when they first leave their life’s work and the potential conflicts many couples face.
In her books, she also offers the solutions older couples shared with her that provide examples for newly retired couples to implement as they struggle to find harmony in this new life stage. Most of all Hall strives to help couples see that they are not alone and that laughter is the best solution for all of us to have and details some quirks that need to be tolerated, ignored or altered.
Hall observes “A lot of people initially dread retirement but when they work at making it a positive experience it can really be a wonderful time in your life. The more we develop our companionship as a couple the difficulties we face are more manageable.”
So, what is the secret for older couples ultimately having a fulfilling relationship?
“Communication and Compromising,” can be key to fixing a retiree’s relationship difficulties, says Hall.
Spreading the Gospel
Hall is focused on getting the word out about her book by speaking at public libraries, churches, and women groups and Rotary Clubs throughout the Ocean State and even at the Ocean Life Long Institute, an adult learning program based at University of Rhode Island. The Rhode Island author is even planning a trip to Anchorage, Alaska, to spread the gospel that a couple’s retirement “can be an exciting new chapter in their life.”
Hall received her undergraduate degree from Dunbarton College, Washington, D.C. and a Masters in Education from Boston University. In addition to her Survive your Husband’s Retirement, Hall blogs regularly on her website, and offers workshops on adjusting to retirement. Her family consists of two grown children and their spouses, six grandchildren and one, now seasoned, retired husband. She and her husband Art moved to Wickford, R.I. in 2000.
Contact Nora to schedule workshops or raise a retirement question via email at nora@survieve yourhusbandsretirement.com. To purchase a copy of the second edition of Survive your Husband’s Retirement, go to Amazon.com.